Reasons your Ex Isn’t that Great
Some people say that hindsight is 20/20…so why is it that so many of us cry over our ex when a relationship is over? Why is it that some can only remember the wonderful, loving parts of a relationship? I promise you that I’ve fallen victim to this time and time again. I always make ex-boyfriends more than what they ever were. As I’m sure I’m not the only one, here are the reasons I believe that ex-lovers really aren’t that great.
They Forget the Important Days
I can only speak for myself, but my latest ex forgot my birthday. That’s right. The day that only comes once a year. A day I had obsessed over how much I loved. Midnight came, I received phone calls and texts from my family and soul sisters wishing me a happy birthday. Nothing from my ‘perfect’ ex. I decided to accept it as, he was “busy” with his own life. I awoke the next morning to a text from him complaining about a big test he had. I waited several more hours before blowing up. He had completely forgotten about my big day, and ended up throwing together a PICTURE collage of us. Real Special.
People let me tell you something. If someone cares for you, they will remember the important days. Even if that day is small, like a one-month anniversary, they will remember because they care. Find that in a significant other. Never feel you need to settle for less because that person is too busy to remember. Unacceptable.
You Probably Didn’t Have That Much in Common
When we begin dating a new person, it tends to be because of common interests. Perhaps you both love the same band, or binge watch the same television show. As we grow into mature relationships, we find that we can’t base a long term love off of these things alone. Relationships require common goals, respect for one another, and the common interests don’t hurt. But, how many of us change our interests to meet the expectations of our loved ones? There is one thing in giving it a try, but what happens when we do it for the wrong reasons? Remember: you do not need to change yourself to be loved. The right person will come along and love that you’re a comic book nerd, or that you hate Wes Anderson despite them being obsessed with his films.
The World Revolves Around Them
If your ex is anything like mine, the world revolved completely around them and everyone else had to change their plans to make them happy. The conversation only includes them, what they’re doing, and what they’re accomplishing. Remember that you are an individual and so incredibly important. A great lover will always be asking what you’re doing and will have a genuine interest in your life. The right person will not only want you to live to your truest potential but do what they can to help support you. Selfish people deserve to be alone if that’s how they are going to act.
You were a ‘Hidden Treasure’
Ah, the classic, I have a girlfriend when it is convenient for me. The right person will want to show you off whenever it is humanly possible without getting too excessive. We live in a generation with several outlets to relationship promotion. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter. You have those annoying couples that post way too often or if you’re my ex, never existent. My ex refused to post our relationship on Facebook because he didn’t want to be ridiculed by his church. Or perhaps it was because he didn’t want the editor he was (probably) banging to see he had a girlfriend.
The right person will want to go on dates and be seen with you in public. One of my best girlfriends mentioned a horrible ex of hers never wanted to go on group dates, to help soften the blow in case of a failed relationship. This way, he wouldn’t lose his friends as well as her when he inevitably broke her heart.
We’ve all been around that one person who is hot and cold. There is nothing quite like dating a person, never knowing what their mood is going to be. It’s hard going about your date expecting a nice, loving boyfriend only to be greeted with an angry, stressed out one. Predicting their mood is never a fun game but it’s not like you can avoid the situation. After all, you’re the one who is supposed to support them no matter what. This doesn’t mean you deserve to be treated this way, but be aware of when it is time to walk away. They aren’t the only ones in the relationship that may be going through problems.
Indecision is also obnoxious when it comes to planning dates, if they take you out at all! One of the pitfalls of my last relationship is the surplus of fast food. I once cried because I was so sick of eating fried chicken. The relationship was unhealthy for my heart in more ways than one. Or if you had my girlfriends issue as said from the mouth of a total babe: “make up your damn mind and plan an actual goddamn date or so help me if we wind up at TGI Friday’s AGAIN.”
Relationships are about finding a mutual love. It shouldn’t be more about one person or the other. A relationship isn’t about who wears the “pants.” A real love is about two individuals who are not completing one another, but are whole persons who are complimenting each other’s lives. Stop looking at your past as a perfect relationship as it ended for a reason. Instead, learn from the good and bad each relationship brings, and apply it to a future love.
By: Madison Erika